2/25/2016, 9:20 AM

Well some wise lady said to me when I was a youngster, you make your own world, She also said there be days months and years we would have to weather the storm Sometimes things outside our control wield a pretty heavy blow sometimes, and those are not fun to endure, but we also have to take into mind the choices we make that can contribute to our feeling blue if it does not turn out the we we would like. Maybe taking on too much responsibility can drag us down. It is no fun going through trials and feeling low. Many things can affect us. expectations not being meet, I think Stoneman and LyingDan have it well in hand with their outlook. Like the way LyinDan explained it ,quite a lot. hang in there Fly, we hope you can overcome the darkness, I been there, sometimes it was so dark, I could feel the shroud and blackness envelope me, strange to go through that. I said that to a friend at a gig,I felt this blackness and dark mood and he said, be careful, those dark days and thoughts can crush you, and it took awhile before I was able to find my way out of the mind numbing thoughts and it is a weird sensation because it feelings like more then depression, it is almost a physical crushing essence , hard to explain. I go for a walk and this dark energy followed me, so strange, not sure how I got out of it, i think it is a process, no miracle or magical solution. anyways, my thing. brighter days ahead now. things are shining clearly

2/25/2016, 9:00 AM

There IS a purpose, there's always a purpose. It may not gibe with what you think it is. It's timing may not be yours. But it's always there. The Universe as a whole seeks to end entropy. To make order. The Universe is a conscious thing. It is the origin of your feelings of what is "good". It is not, however, omnipotent. It needs your help. It will influence you to bring that about. Listen to it. Ii think anyone who wonders about purpose is already listening.

2/25/2016, 3:43 AM

I did 6 years of PTSD therapy with the veterans administration mental health department. It was extremely valuable and effective. But I was told that I will never be cured from the images of war and child abuse that plague me. However, it can be managed and that is what I do every day. Manage my mental health through weed (as prescribed by my doctors and grown by myself) meditation and targeted diversion activities like music, martial arts and writing. But I also understand that not everyone can afford to get the comprehensive help that I got. If I had not been self medicating for the past 45 years I certainly would be dead from suicide. So, I say do whatever it takes to get you out of that funk. Even if it is only for a short while or as a band aid it will give you the relief that you need to refuel and get back into this thing called life. I am no therapist but I have had enough therapy to know that getting to the core cause of your issues may take much reflection and time. If you can afford to get the help, get it. If not, do the next best thing. But do not allow depression to push you over the brink. I did O.J.T. with a street minister when I was in the seminary. It was mandatory that all prospective ministers do some form of community outreach. One day we were making our rounds in the homeless sector of San Jose. We brought food, clothing and for some folks money. We came across this homeless fellow who was obviously a junky because he was in the early stages of withdrawal. The pastor took one look at him and gave him enough money to go get a fix. He also gave him a card to call him when he was ready to get clean. As we walked away I asked why he had given that man money. I said he's a junky (former junkies like me can pick them out a mile away) and the money is going to be used to fuel the sin he was committing against his body. The pastor looked at me and said: Son, his situation is an emergency. He needs that fix in order to live. If I can keep him alive long enough, I may be able to save and change his life. It was a hard lesson to learn but an important one that would help through out my career as a prison chaplain and street minister. Two weeks later that man called and we got him in rehab. He is now the pastor of a church in Gilroy and has been clean ever since then. So, I say to you. If you are having an urgent issue and you cannot get to or afford a mental health professional. Do the next best thing. Drink, smoke weed, have sex with your woman, watch a marathon of Law & Order (just an example) or whatever you can think of to get you out of that funk. But also, you should be seeking a long term solution. Don't wait over 40 years (like I did) to get the help that you need. Sending up prayers and positive thoughts for you. Respect, Stoneman

2/24/2016, 4:41 PM

Self medicating the blues is not always the answer. Sometimes longer term solutions are necessary as well as safer. Maybe the shrink thing is not for you but booze and dope are not effective for issues that run deep and wide. You need answers, not more questions. I hate to see any friend in pain. Get to the source of what ails you and try to fix it or get someone to help you fix it. Putting band-aids on serious wounds is only a temporary comfort. You need longer lasting ways of dealing with life's disappointments. Get well. brother.

2/24/2016, 1:45 PM

Agree with LyinDan - wine and weed - good medicine

2/24/2016, 10:30 AM

Hey, when I feel like that, I drink. Which may come as no surprise when reading my posting history. You may do better to pump up that stash, though. Undoubtedly healthier. Unless it brings out the paranoia. It does for me, which is why I drink. I smoke to calm me down to sleep.

2/24/2016, 9:51 AM

Join the club. We all float down here.

2/24/2016, 6:16 AM

Hey Fly I'm being serious when I say, if you feel out of your depth, maybe stop paddling for a while and just float to the top and see what happens. Sometimes things are working out behind the scenes and you aren't aware of it. The Universe can totally carry you in the right direction when you don't know what else to do.

2/23/2016, 4:44 PM

Into each life some rain must fall. The true measure of a man is not in how well he handles success. It is in how well he manages in the face of defeat. Life will throw some seriously staggering punches. But like in boxing and martial arts, the best way to learn how to defend yourself from a blow is to get hit a few times. Once you pull yourself off the canvass after a devastating blow, you realize that you can get up after anything. I got knocked out one day and after my coach got me up he said well, now you know that being knocked out is not the end of the world. It is the beginning of your come back. Make a comeback Fly! I did!

2/23/2016, 2:42 PM

Dear Fly, When the undertow catches you there are two choices give up and drown or fight like hell to survive. What caught me about your post is the fear in the undertow of letting other people down. To me that is like a drowning person saying well it would be a shame for someone else to get wet in the effort to save my sorry ass. You see I an no stranger to the undertow and in fact at time have allowed my self to be swallowed by it only to realize a great deal later 1. what the hell am I doing here and 2 why the fuck have I stayed here this long. For those things there is no easy answer but it might be the adrenaline shot you may need to come back to life as ALJ put it. Know this the undertow only wants to bring you to your knees it wants to wash over you and take you to the deepest depths. It laughs as you lay weeping. It has no remorse it won't stop and it does no care if you poor or rich or famous or unknown all it wants is find someone to latch onto and suck the life out of. Its a fast wave or a slow drain depending on how much hold you give it but it is not unbeatable. The undertow can be escaped it can be defeated and it can be actually converted to the force that you need to escape it once you face it. Being caught by the undertow is a scary venture when it catches you by surprise. But you Fly have a few surprise of your own for it does know know the power you hold. Once you take hold of your power the undertow will have no more hold on you. May those at IMP be a beacon of light in the darkness. Ride on brother Ride that wave back to shore. We have got a towel waiting for you a campfire ready to warm your bones and a big ear that have not heard all the stories that are intended for it yet. TSC, Ken