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8/19/2006, 9:32 AM

Chain Letters and Sarcastic Rantings

Now that you've read this much you have to forward it to ten people or you will be cursed with sobriety and healthy children. Anyway, let's get to the latest news. Floyd Landis was recently stripped of the title "World's Best Bike Rider" after he tested positive for doping. Fortunately for Landis, he recently discovered something known as a "car." In other news, Mel Gibson apologized to the Jewish community after he claimed that Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world. The Jewish community accepted his apology and, in return, apologized for starting all those wars. Also, Robin Williams recently entered rehab due to his addiction to body hair and terrible screenplays. Lastly, blizzards continue to pound America, gas prices are at an all-time low and the Middle East is experiencing peace. I'm sorry, I forgot I was reporting from Opposite-Land. I was wondering why burning all those kangaroos didn't get me turned on.

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