12/19/2015, 8:49 AM

My story

I wasn't born Santa Claus. It all started when I was 27 and lonely. My most recent girlfriend had dumped me. I wasn't jolly. It was then I came up with a great plan. Our community would always have this Christmas gathering by the Lion's Hall that I had attended since I was a youngster. Basically you walked thru a line and they gave you an orange and a box of candy. I had found an old Santa Claus costume in the attic and decided that for that night I would be St. Nick. When I arrived there I was amazed at the response. Everybody gave me big smiles and said Hi Santy! It was the best night of my life. At this point I decided I would starting at the beginning of every Christmas season dress up as Santa wherever I went, and it never failed. Kids loved me, their parents loved me, everybody was always nice to me. I felt I was born to be Santa. Even at workplaces and at the tax collector's office, everybody loved me. I knew right then that if they wanted to stop my Santa poaching, they'd have to rip the Santa suit off my cold dead cadaver, I would be Santa forever. Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!